I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
