I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
