If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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