You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
