the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
