WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
