i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
