its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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