is wine microwaveable?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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