ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
