i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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