Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The power of my boobs compel you
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
