I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
