I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
