I accidentally had phone sex last night
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
