think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
