where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
