it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
