Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
