My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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