she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
