its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
