I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
