When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
