I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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