this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
