i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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