my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
