Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
