you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
