just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
