My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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