Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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