angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
