Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
