I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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