Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
