You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
