everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
