a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
