i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Randomize
