You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
