You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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