Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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