She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
