a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
