if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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