I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
