What tipped you off? The sombrero?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
