She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
