I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
