who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
