Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
