I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
